Imagine someone comes to you for coaching because they want to change careers. They know what they want, they’ve thought things through, and they even have a pretty good plan. But every time they get close to doing something about it, fear shows up. Now, what do you do with that fear? Ignore it because you’re a coach, not a therapist?
I’ve been working in coaching and mindfulness education since 2009, and I have to say, I’ve always found this idea a little strange. We’re working with people, after all. And people have emotions. Sometimes those emotions are exactly what makes a seemingly simple decision so difficult. So why would we leave them out of the conversation?
Of course, I understand why the distinction between coaching and therapy matters. They’re different professions, and there are good reasons for keeping certain boundaries. But I think we sometimes take that distinction a little too far.
Someone might feel guilty about saying no to their family. They might be afraid of starting a business, disappointed with themselves, or frustrated because they keep making the same choices. These things come up in everyday life. And naturally, they come up in coaching too.
Not Every Emotion Needs to Be Fixed
Here’s something I’ve noticed over the years. We’re often so eager to get rid of uncomfortable emotions that we don’t stop to consider whether getting rid of them is even necessary.
Take that person who’s afraid of changing careers. Instead of immediately looking for ways to overcome their fear, I might be more interested in what happens when the fear appears. Do they suddenly lose confidence? Do they start finding reasons why the change isn’t such a good idea after all? Or do they simply assume that feeling afraid means they’re not ready?
There’s quite a lot to explore there. And sometimes, the most useful thing isn’t helping someone become fearless. It’s helping them discover that they can experience fear without automatically allowing it to make their decisions. That can change a lot.
But We Still Need to Know Our Limits
Now, does this mean coaches should start working with serious psychological difficulties as if they were therapists? Of course not. There are situations where someone needs support from a qualified mental health professional. And I think a good coach should be comfortable recognizing that, rather than trying to handle everything personally.
But I wouldn’t want coaches to become so worried about crossing professional boundaries that they start avoiding perfectly normal conversations about emotions. Because when someone comes to coaching, they don’t leave their emotional life at the door.
They bring their hopes, fears, doubts, frustrations, and everything else that comes with being human. And personally, I can’t imagine doing meaningful coaching while pretending that none of those things are there.
This article was originally published on Transform Wire Media, where I regularly contribute articles on coaching, mindfulness, and professional development.